How the Marshmallow Test Can Help Children Thrive and Teach Us How to Support Them

One fun and simple way to help children recognize and practice self-control is through the famous Marshmallow Test.

What Is the Marshmallow Test?

The Marshmallow Test is based on Stanford University’s well-known “Marshmallow Experiment,” conducted by psychologist Walter Mischel. The original experiment was designed to study children’s ability to delay gratification, a trait linked to greater success later in life.

In the experiment, children were left alone in a room with a marshmallow and were given a choice: eat the marshmallow immediately or wait 15 minutes and receive a second marshmallow as a reward. Researchers found that children who could wait longer tended to fare better in life when it came to things like academic achievement, health, and relationships.

Recreating the Marshmallow Test at Home

Although we can’t replicate the exact science of the original study, we can use a smaller-scale version of the Marshmallow Test in our homes. It’s a fun way to teach self-control while helping kids understand their own behavior.

Here’s a step-by-step guide for trying it out:

Step 1: Purchase Yummy Marshmallows!

You’ll need enough marshmallows for each child to have two. I like to use big, fluffy marshmallows (my personal favorite), but you can also substitute them with a treat you know they will love (and want more of).

Step 2: Explain the Rules, Clear and Concise

Once the kids are ready, I explain the test like this: “I’m going to give each of you a delicious marshmallow. You can eat it right away, or if you can wait 15 minutes without eating it, I’ll give you a second marshmallow. Either choice is okay!” Keep the tone light and casual.

Step 3: Handout the Yummy Treats

After giving everyone a marshmallow, I set a timer for 8 minutes. Depending on the age of the children, you may want to adjust the time. During this period, I make myself scarce, maybe yelling out from another room a reminder they will be rewarded for waiting.

Some kids will distract themselves by fidgeting, doodling, or humming, while others might hide the marshmallow or avoid looking at it altogether. If there are multiple kids in the room they may tease or encourage each other to eat the treat.

Step 4: Rewarding Their Self-Control

After the time is up, I ask the kids to show me their uneaten marshmallow. If I can’t find any nibbles, they receive a second one, and they can eat both treats right away! For those who couldn’t resist, I offer sympathy, “It’s really tough to wait for something that smells so good!” Try to keep the tone light and encouraging, no judgment or shame for choosing not to wait. Our goal is to strengthen their impulse control and delayed gratification, not make it into a power struggle.

Step 5: Reflect and Discuss

The real learning happens during the reflection. We talk as a group about what helped them resist the marshmallow, what made it challenging, and how they felt about their choices. Here are some great discussion questions to guide the conversation:

What helped you resist eating the marshmallow?
Do you think it would’ve been easier or harder if you were alone?
How did your friends influence your decision?
What would’ve helped you wait longer?
Can you think of other situations where waiting is important?

Why Self-Control Matters

Helping children practice self-control, even with something as simple as a marshmallow, can help them build important skills that will benefit them throughout their lives. It encourages patience, decision-making, and the ability to delay gratification—all essential traits for success in school and relationships. In our world of technology, dopamine rushes and binging TV shows it can be difficult to teach and practice delayed gratification. Now is the time to teach them skills where they can fail successfully…which means learning and practicing a skill in a safe, encouraging environment where you can coach and guide them to further success.

And let’s face it, teaching life lessons through marshmallows is pretty sweet!